the thing is though everytime a girl compliments me on a dress/skirt with pockets and I declare THANKS IT HAS POCKETS her response completely changes from “oh that’s nice” to “FUCK ME BACKWARDS ARE YOU FOR REAL SHOW ME SHOW ME THE POCKETS”
- Women: I'm pregnant what should I do?
- Pro life: keep the baby!
- Women: okay! Can I have prenatal vitamins?
- Pro life: what?
- Women: can I have financial help for doctor appointments?
- Pro life: ummm.....
- Women: can I at least get paid maternity leave?
- Pro life: ummm... Excuse me?
- Women: the baby is here can I get financial help?
- Pro life: I'm sorry do we know you?
i hate when guys say shit like “why would you cut your hair? guys don’t like girls with short hair” that’s like watching someone else make a sandwich for their self and saying “why are you putting tomatoes in it? i don’t like tomatoes”
This is fucking amazing.
Anonymous asked: I'm at work and I'm about to cry. I don't want to cry, can you say something funny?
ONE TIME AT SCHOOL LET ME REMIND YOU I GO TO AN ALL GIRLS CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL SO THEY ALL WEAR SHOIRT ASS SKIRTS OKAY SO ONE TIME THIS GIRL LIKE TRIPPED AND HER SKIRT FLEW UP AND MY FRIEND WAS LIKE TIFFANH GO FUCKING HELP HER UP AND I WAS LIKE PARALYZED STARING AT HER ASS AND THEN MY FRIEND WAS LIKE FUCKING SHIT TIFFANY YOU USELESS LESBIAN AND SHE LITERALLY HIT ME WITH A BIBLE AND I HAVE NO REGRETS NONE
This kills me every time
- americans the other 364 days of the year: america isn't all that great i mean we need to fix a whole lot of shit
- americans on july 4th: AMERI CA YEAH BEER AND FRE E D OM ON THE WIN GS OF A FUC KING EAG LE SUCK IT ENGLAND !!! !